Repentance

I was reading Matthew chapter 3. When I came to the verse where John says we must show our repentance by the way we live, it made my stomach jump. I looked up the meaning of repentance which read; a radical change in ones life as a whole,which forsaking sin and returning to God. This caused me to ponder over sin in my life and where I have not been willing to give over certain sin that is destuctive in my life, as well as other sin I justify by saying everyone does it; or I will try better next time, but is this true repentance? Sometimes I do repent sincerely, but again, I must ask myself, am I now willing to give over the sin in my life, and begin living as God would have me; if I am not, then my next thought would be, "will I pray for the willingness to give this up." If not, then I have a real problem. How can I live in God's forgiveness if I am not willing to give up the sin? I am not talking about sin that we truly want to be rid of, I am talking about that sin we call 'little" and excuse by telling ourselves, "everybody does it." We are no longer of the world so this does not excuse our sinful behavior. I am to look different than worldly people no matter the cost. When I look at the cost of not blending in, I am embarassed. The cost is embarassment when teased about be a goody two shoes; humiliated when taunted in front of co-workers for not joining in with the gossip. This is nothing compared to the cost to Jesus for our sins. He did not sin and suffered physical, emotional and yes, even spiritual pain. When I look at this I am put to shame. Reading the word daily and pondering on it has been opening my eyes to how important it is to remember who is my real boss in life. Isn't it amazing how one little verse can get you thinking about somethin in your life. Amazing.