being in the world, but not of the world..

Being in the world but not of the world. This has been on my mind for some time now and recently it has been very bothersome.It is becoming more and more difficult for me to know who is a Christian and who is not at work, in the stores, on the phone, doesn't matter where I am I cannot honestly tell the majority of the time if I am talking to a fellow Christian or a non-believer. How this saddens my spirit. I am hungry to hear about Jesus and what He is doing in people's lives, or what He has done to cause one to love Him and believe in Him. I thirst for other believers to stand out so I can talk to them about Jesus and my own struggles with faith or my excitement in the ways I see Him working in my spirit. But what I find are Christians wanting to talk about worldly things, problems they are having with family members or co-workers, etc. Is this bad? No,not necessarily; but what I find discouraging is that Jesus is never brought into these conversations. I am made to feel embarassed when I bring him up or ask one if they would like to pray on the topic. "Not here, its too public" or "I already did" are the two most freguent answers I get. Why would we want to "stand out" by praying in public where others can see us. I find myself uncomfortable praying at the dinner table with my husband because he is a non-beleiver. However I have chosen to do it just the same. Perhaps if I live my faith it will cause him to want what I have; inner spiritual strength and peace. However, as I trudge this Christian walk alone I find my strength and inner peace wavering. I wonder if we really believe what we say we do. Seems to me I would be more confident in my faith if others were willing to share theirs with me. I know I am responsible for my own faith. I also know it is up to me if I choose to believe or not. But I also believe strongly that we would all believe and be encouraged to live differently among non-believers if we didn't feel we were doing it alone. Didn't Jesus send his Apostles in pairs out into the world? Didn't He himself need his Apostle's support when he was struggling before he was arrested? So why should we not need one another? I have decided once and for all no more excuses; I want to look, act and be different from the world. No matter how lonely it may feel at times, no matter how uncomfortable or disliked I become; I want to know and experience what be a true believer is like. Perhaps by living these things myself, I will meet other's who believe or feel as I do. I hope so.